Here
is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a
new definition.
Here
are the winners:
1.
Cashtration
(n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2.
Ignoranus : A
person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3.
Intaxicaton :
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize
it was your money to start with.
4.
Reintarnation :
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5.
Bozone (
n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas
from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6.
Foreploy :
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.
7.
Giraffiti :
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8.
Sarchasm :
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte :
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10.
Osteopornosis : A
degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11.
Karmageddon :
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12.
Decafalon
(n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only
things that are good for you.
13.
Glibido :
All talk and no action.
14.
Dopeler
Effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you
rapidly.
15.
Arachnoleptic
Fit (n.):
The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.
16.
Beelzebug
(n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17.
Caterpallor (
n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit
you're eating.
The
Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to
supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1.
Coffee ,
n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2.
Flabbergasted ,
adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one
has gained.
3.
Abdicate ,
v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4
esplanade ,
v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5.
Willy-nilly ,
adj. Impotent.
6.
Negligent ,
adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7.
Lymph ,
v. To walk with a lisp.
8.
Gargoyle ,
n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9.
Flatulence ,
n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10.
Balderdash ,
n. A rapidly receding hairline..
11.
Testicle ,
n. A humorous question on an exam.
12.
Rectitude ,
n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13.
Pokemon ,
n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14.
Oyster ,
n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15.
Frisbeetarianism ,
n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof
and gets stuck there.
16.
Circumvent ,
n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
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