On Getting Older

George A. Sprecace M.D., J.D., F.A.C.P. and Allergy Associates of New London, P.C.
www.asthma-drsprecace.com

On Getting Older

>> > 1.) Just before the funeral services,
>> > the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was
>> > your husband?" "98," she replied.
>> > "Two years older than me."
>> > "So you're 96," the undertaker
>> > commented.
>> > She responded,
>> > "Hardly worth going home, is it?
>> >
>> > 2.) Reporters interviewing a
>> > 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being
>> > 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,
>> > "No peer pressure."
>> >
>> > 3.) The nice thing about being senile is
>> > you can hide your own Easter eggs.
>> >
>> > 4.) I've sure gotten old! I've had two
>> > bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, Fought prostate cancer
>> > and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet
>> > engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and
>> > subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
>> > hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
>> > Have lost all my friends But, thank God, I still have my driver's
>> > license.
>> >
>> > 5.) I feel like my body has gotten
>> > totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness
>> > club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for
>> > seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for
>> > an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
>> >
>> > 6.) An elderly woman decided to prepare
>> > her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she
>> > wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over
>> > Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll
>> > be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "
>> >
>> > 7.) My memory's not as sharp as it used
>> > to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
>> >
>> > 8.) Know how to prevent sagging? Just
>> > eat till the wrinkles fill out.
>> >
>> > 9.) It's scary when you start making the
>> > same noises as your coffee maker.
>> >
>> > 10.) These days about half the stuff in
>> > my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
>> >
>> > 11.) Remember: You don't stop laughing
>> > because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
>> >
>> >
>> > 12.) --- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me
>> > the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune
>> > to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

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